Which worked fine until Balham. 'Some careless person (not my exact words) has driven into a rail bridge, and that branch of the line has been closed. Everybody off', and one hour to the start of the service (thanks goodness we'd left enough time - hopefully).
Ring for a black cab. Phone is answered then call drops as I accidentally move my phone one inch too far to the left of signal. Try again. No reply. 50 minutes to go.
Toni has investigated the buses to no avail either. Panic setting in a bit now. 45 minutes to go.
At which point, the minicab company opposite the taxi rank which we had been sniffy about came to the rescue. In less time than it took to say "We're going to a funeral" we were hurtling through the streets of Streatham leaving every other driver for dust.
I took a few minutes to read the cabbie's A-Z and finally worked out exactly where Norwood Junction was, only to discover that, had we stayed on the train at Balham which was being diverted via Selhurst, we would have been around half a mile from the church as the crow flies (or the cab flies).
However, had we stayed on the train, we would have missed out on our minicab motor rally experience, and probably arrived just in the nick of time.
As it was, we arrived with time to spare, (25 minutes to go) and discovered the charming, wooden-roofed church of St Mark's, with lovely acoustics and sunshine pouring through the windows. Toni sang a veritable concert-full of solos including the Mario Lanza/Student Prince classic "I'll Walk with God", plus three duets - The Lloyd Webber 'Pie Jesu", Franck 'Panis Angelicus" and 'Time to Say Goodbye'. The family and mourners were most complementary, and we were in turn entertained with tales of a Norwood man who had worked for - London Transport…
And the main take-away lesson from the day was - time to dig out my pocket A-Z when we're asked to be funeral singers in London. Being paper and ink book technology, an A-Z works without wifi, 3G signals or shiny screens, but I do need my glasses to read it!